... and I dreadfully fear that I won't ever get it back. 

“If you evade suffering, you also evade the chance of joy. Pleasure you may get, or pleasures, but you will not be fulfilled. You will not know what it is to come home.”

Ursula K. Le Guin (The Dispossessed)

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So for now, I hold on, persevere, and hope that one day... I'll get the chance to go home, to retrieve that missing piece.