There is no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to put it out there - there are times when traveling solo scares the living daylights out of me.
Nothing prepared me for the whirlwind of emotions when I arrived in a foreign country after a 15-hour flight and two layovers, all on my own. It wasn’t my first solo trip (I’ve done it before), but never this far away from home and everything I was familiar with. My decision made me feel utterly vulnerable, and - since we’ve got the honesty ball rolling - incredibly fearful.
Suddenly, months of anticipation, excitement, and planning were rendered useless. My eyes darted around every five seconds, wary of any person walking within reach. My throat grew dry, a sudden thirst forming even though I had just drank half a bottle of water. My knees went weak, and I surreptitiously leaned against the nearest wall, in case my legs gave way.
To my parentals, hold your horses - don’t say “I told you so” just yet.
A few days later, as I sat in a tavern along the cobblestone paths of Cesky Krumlov - perfectly at peace with my surroundings - I couldn’t help but realise how a leap of faith changes us from being fearful to being fearless.
I thought about courage, and how it changes everything. I thought about grit, and how it challenges us to move forward and be better, especially when it’s difficult. I thought about resilience, and how it’s about keeping at it when you feel like giving up.
In the end, it dawned on me that courage, grit, and resilience are not substances alien to our existence, they are within us - we just have to make the choice to embody it.
Here are some of the reflections I've learned (and am still learning) on this journey from fearful, to fearless.
1. Believe in yourself.
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| I hiked 10 miles in fall's chilly and rainy weather (it was 6°) for this astounding view. Being the athletically challenged person that I am, it took a Herculean amount of willpower to make it to the top. |
How many times have we believed in the dreams of others and encouraged them, yet shriveled back in doubt when we thought of our own? Eleanor Roosevelt helps put things into perspective for us, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”.
You don't need permission from anyone else to dream. Take a chance on yourself; you'd be surprised at the deep well of dormant talents hidden beneath your self-doubt.
2. Don’t just think it, DO it.
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| Cesky Krumlov has been on my travel bucket list for the longest time. Taking the plunge to visit it on a solo trip wasn't just a dream come true, it was a moment of empowerment. |
There’s not much to be achieved in life if we just sit and think about things. Truth is, the fear of failure kills more dreams than actual failure.
Don’t wait for things to fall into your lap, the great things in life never do. They come into your life when you are out there, making it happen.
Now is as good a time as any to work on that dream. Today is the day to stop wishing, and start acting. Because, we are not promised tomorrow. What we do have, however, is this fleeting moment, and I implore you to do all you can to make it worth your while.
3. Accept, and adapt.
Women should take risks. Women should travel alone. It is not fair for us to live in constant fear, nor should we.
However, we must also accept and adapt to the reality of wherever we travel,
rather than challenging preexisting and culturally specific gender binaries we cannot control.
Ali Vingiano
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In a patriarchal world, women are pejoratively chastised for fearless pursuits - for their focus on their career, lifestyle choices, decision to traverse the planet alone, or even wardrobe picks. Yet, instead of backing off, we see the emergence of women who pushed back, challenged the status quo, and rose above societal labels.
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| As I gently traced my fingers on the spines of the books, some going back to the 14th century, the importance of writing our stories engulfed me like a storm. It matters, so much more now, for us to live lives worth sharing. |
Here’s the thing - until we accept society for what it is, change won’t and can’t happen. Bear in mind though, acceptance does not mean approval. Once we see things for what they truly are, then our work to make it better can begin.
What I’ve seen, thus far, has imbued a greater resolve within me to achieve exploits others have only dared to dream of.
4. Who you allow to speak into your life has power over you.
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| Fall, in full glory. As I sat on the white bench and looked up at the brilliance of colours, I'm reminded on the beauty of life; of how everything comes into fruition when the time is right. |
One time, a male acquaintance told me the following: “You want to straighten and spell out everything. Trying to be too smart. No wonder the boys go away.”
He didn't know it, but I was seeing someone then. So, I brushed off his unkind comment as nothingness and moved on with life.
Months later, it reared its ugly head when things didn’t work out with the guy I was with. I allowed it by mulling over it. Until, I sat up one morning, stopped blaming myself, and saw the end for what it was - a series of bad timing.
We were separated by different time zones and continents, our careers are taking off, and we were both not ready to give up the freedom we’ve grown accustomed to. Moving halfway across the world wasn't an option I was willing to consider. Added up, all of the factors gave what we had an expiry date. It had nothing to do with my intellect.
We were separated by different time zones and continents, our careers are taking off, and we were both not ready to give up the freedom we’ve grown accustomed to. Moving halfway across the world wasn't an option I was willing to consider. Added up, all of the factors gave what we had an expiry date. It had nothing to do with my intellect.
I then realised - who you allow to speak into your life has power over you.
Don't resign that power to people who will speak discouragement over your life, despair to your soul, and hopelessness into your situation.
That day was a life-changer.
I actively began spending more time with people who has a positive influence over my life - dreamers who spoke life, doers who encouraged, and friends who championed, instead of competed.
My life has never been the same since.
