The trip was a gift to myself for turning 27 not so long ago. I finally mustered up the courage to go on a solo trip, booked it on the eve of my birthday, and kept mum about it (to my parents’ aghast when they found out - which was a few days before I left). 

I did my research, made sure it was a relatively safe location and knowingly chose a place which had minimal shopping in order to experience the full spectrum of my first solo adventure. It is an off the beaten path that is frowned upon and advised against, particularly because of my gender; which I felt should not be a deterring factor. At first. 

As the days drew nearer, I experienced a frisson of fear. Alright, if I’m being completely honest, it was a little more than a frisson. I may have set aside some time to write my first will and left it on my desktop as Melissa’s Last Living Will + Testament. My younger sister would have been ecstatic to know if anything should happen to me, she would be the sole beneficiary of my vast collection of make-up products. 

A little drama precaution never hurt anyone.  

In the end, all of my menial worries wasn’t enough to deter me from chickening out and, boy am I glad that I went on with it. Because..... I loved every moment.

I loved how liberated I felt. I loved how carefree I was. I loved how empowered I became. 

And, I'd do it all over and again in a heartbeat. Here's why (in no particular order of importance):

2016 turned out to be a year of many first-s for this chatty lass. 

I had just moved away from home to take up a new job in a different industry. Somehow, in the midst of juggling the demanding hours, insane workload and recurring bout of homesickness, my first article was published. A few months on and I became the proud owner of a little space.

With so much going on before the first half of the year, it's by sheer miracle that I managed to squeeze in some time for a vacation in Hanoi and while I was there, threw caution to the wind and went kayaking for the first time ever. 

Maybe I was emboldened by the fact that I survived, managed to not capsize and drown (did I mention I can’t swim?). Maybe I was emblazoned with the ‘Now or Never’ attitude, a byproduct from my insistence to try out solo traveling. 

Whatever it was, I decided to take up Aristotle’s wisdom - Adventure is worthwhile - and quite literally, put my life on the line. It was daunting, exhilarating and the most fun I've had in awhile.

The most cathartic feeling in the world. Nothing comes quite close to it. Though I must admit, living on your own and becoming financially independent at 26 comes as a close second. 

Which is the greatest gift you can give yourself. 

We’re a lot harder on ourselves than we should be, most of the time. While you will meet other people and bond with them during the course of your trip, for the most part, you’d have no one else with you but yourself. That’s when you’ll learn to love your own company and realise… to love others, you’d have to first love yourself. Because, you can only give what you have. 

  

It was one of those defining ‘Aha!’ moments, which was exactly what I needed because there are plenty of new things coming my way in October. 

I needed to clear my thoughts, recalibrate my mind and renew my perspective; all which I did whilst sitting contentedly by myself in the middle of a spectacular pine forest, with the last light of day peeking through.

There is nothing more alluring, challenging and thrilling than going to an unfamiliar place and immersing yourself into all it has to offer; diving headfirst into its culture, food and surroundings.

Doing it on your own expense and at your own pace will leave you wanting more and change you, for the better. Rather impossible to be the same person once you realise how strong you are, how brave you can be and how (in spite of all we see happening around us) amazing this world is.

It's something researchers call the Paradox of Possessions, where people assume the happiness (I’d rather it be called gratification) we get from buying something will last as long as the thing itself. 

With this trip, I’m more acutely aware than ever that we are not our possessions, but we are the sum of everything we've seen, done and gone through. The Kate Spade purse I could have bought - in place of this solo adventure - will not change who I am, but taking in the amazing sunrise from the sand dunes of Yogyakarta certainly reminded me that there are some things money can't buy. And that, has changed me forever.

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P/S: If I had known this was the remedy my heart needed after this episode, I would have abandoned all else, packed my bags and hopped on a plane instead of succumbing to a pillow-soaking cry fest every night for months.