Chatty Lass

There is so much to tell about you.

You are your own little person with a big personality. You are not too fond of cuddles, but you shimmy close for some when you’re sleepy. You hop like a bunny when you see something you’re excited about. You enjoy helping yourself to (read: stealing) things that you find interesting. You fling anything and everything that you’re given.

There is so much to discover about you.

Your expressive eyes. Your cheeky smirk. Your telling barks. Your whirring tail. Your head tilts. Your paw nudges. Your lip smacks. Your chatty grumbles. Your mischievous antics. Your love for blueberries and TP rolls. Your dislike for broccoli and spinach. Your exuberance for the words “Let’s go” and “Allez”. Your ignorance for the words “No” and “Don’t”. Your wake-up stretch. Your bedtime kisses. 

There is so much to love about you.

You are the apple of my eye, the joy of my heart, and the light of my life.

Happy Second Birthday, doux bébé! I adore you endlessly and I love you with all my heart.

Bisous,

Mummy.

When you pattered into my life, I was at a pivotal intersection in my career - I wanted change, but I did not know what the future held, which part of the world I would end up in, how life was going to look like. In the midst of all the uncertainties, to be incredibly honest, I did not know what to do with you.

I was not sure if I made the right decision to have you or commit to you. I was not certain if I had the ability to care for you or the capacity to love you.

A week later, I had my answer - I was going to move to Bangkok, with you in tow.

Since you came into my life, I have said “No, Flynn” 46372746 times (and then some), pried unidentified objects out of your tiny mouth far too many instances, replaced bed paraphernalia (sheets, duvet, pillow cases) gnawed on, got up in the middle of the night to clean Pollock-like puke (and you), awakened to you standing on my chest and staring me down, chased after and chastised you for stealing floor mats, and picked up more poop than I ever have in my lifetime.

A year later, I realised - I have never loved and laughed more, with you in my life.

You revealed patience in me that I did not know was present. You restored laughter in my life that I did not know was missing. You healed parts of my heart that I did not know was broken.

Happy First Birthday, Flynn! Thank you for saving me. I love you so very much. 

Love,

Mummy.

As I was writing this, my eyes furtively darted between my screen and my luggage, bared open, mentally going through a checklist to see if I have missed out on anything. It was one of the three suitcases encasing my most important earthly possessions, bound for check-in, as I packed for new beginnings in a new city.

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia has been home for the last seven years through the highs and lows, wins and losses, laughter and tears, miracles and love. The city - in all of its glory, character, and complexities - was where I have grown the most, both professionally and personally. Yet, my best memories in the capital city can be mostly attributed to the discovery of an incredible community (some of whom I am privileged to call friends) accompanied by amazing opportunities to see a fraction of my lifelong dreams come to life. To be bidding it goodbye after the better part of a decade would make any person a little wistful. Hence, this piece in my rather neglected blog…

These last few weeks have been a flurry of farewells and a host of goodbyes, a look-back into a repository of good times - where it all began and how far we have come.

For the last two years, our home was where I have celebrated the best news and sought refuge from the bad. It was where I have welcomed friends from all walks of life for a home-cooked meal. It was where I have written some of my favourite stories. Of the seven years I have dwelled in this city, I have spent the most time in this house; it was our safe harbour amidst a global pandemic. It will always hold a dear place in my heart.

So here we are, embarking on a new season in Bangkok, a city I have long loved and been fascinated by... The search begins for our very own home, one we can grow and build our roots in.

This piece was not the easiest to write. I cannot fully articulate how difficult it is to spend your entire life in a place, only to be told you do not belong. I find it unsettling to have grown up and given to this country (my parents before me, their parents before them, our great grandparents - both mine and theirs), only to be told this is not home.

These past couple of years, Malaysia has not felt like home. Not quite. The venality, corruption, and sheer folly with human lives have been disheartening to witness. It seemed easy enough to be inure and conclude that nothing has changed. Yet, to do so would be to deny our hard-won progress and rob us of our responsibility to do what we can to make Malaysia better.

Democracy is not an institution. It is not founded by an organisation nor can it be decimated because of an organisation.

Democracy is not a monolith. It is not obstinate, inflexible, or immovable. It is alive, progressive, and evolving. It is a work-in-progress.

Democracy is not to be feared. It was marched for, fought for, and died for. It is about freedom for all and not just one, voice for all and not just few, inclusivity for all and not exclusivity just for some.

Democracy is us. You and I.

We embody it when we regard our neighbours by their name, instead of their race. We live it when we rejoice over a badminton or football game at a mamak establishment, together. We uphold it when we exercise our right to vote for a fair government, who will serve the interests of the people. We protect it when we allow discourse without dissing and conversation about conviction. We celebrate it when we appreciate the beauty of diversity in all the things we love - language, food, people. We choose it when we help a stranger push his ailing car up an incline (it was immortalised when I wrote it as one of the scenes for PETRONAS' National Day webfilm, circa 2016).

So on this day, when words are hard, I will remember this snapshot and caption from 11 Aug 2016: "What freedom truly looks like - diverse in race, creed and culture, but united in spirit."

Happy National Day, Malaysia.

Here’s hoping that some day, you will truly feel like home.