I am famed, notorious for being a bozo and making a fool out of myself.

It is not that I intend to be one. From what I can gather, most of the time I was just caught unaware at an act of total randomness or being a klutz.

I think we all have gone through the usual tripping on something and falling on our derrieres. Rather common, that one. I have lost count on the times my posterior has suffered and be taken refuge as my landing pad.

To be honest, I find some of my clumsiness and (unintended) foolish acts kinda funny.

I'd like to remember some of them, hence this post.

In an event where my memory fails me one day (It is bound to happen, a few years from now), I can still look back at my posts and have a good laugh.


Incident No.1: Dicksy the Dog

I swear, that is the dog's name (Not 100% positive about the spelling though).

I've always loved dogs, see.

My aunt had Dicksy and he was alright-cute. I loved to nuzzle up to my toys when I was a little girl, so Dicksy (looking like one) was about to receive the same treatment from me when he suddenly snapped.

That dog nearly bit my nose off, and left me with two holes for a nose (Harry Potter fans, the imagery is similiar to Voldemort).

My aunt shrieked loudly. My parents were furious but amused. I, however, was traumatised.

Silly Dick.


Incident No.2: Quick, Duck!

To say that I disliked school would be an understatement. I despised more than half of the subjects taught.

Reaching age 17, I was over the moon when one of my friends could actually drive.

The day finally came when we had a completely free day, no lessons were ongoing. My friend proposed that we grab some sustanence as breakkie and do a little sightseeing.

I was thrilled. The lot of us cramped into her automobile, had the radio on full blast, singing at the top of our voices.

I noticed a policeman ahead of us. Fearing that we would all get our butts in trouble for playing truant and face demerit consequences (as we were in pinafores during what was supposed to be 'school hours'), I shouted, "Quick, duck for cover!" (It was reflex.)

My mates started laughing non-stop and one of them said, "Even if we all ducked, our chauffeur is still in uniform. We would be in trouble nonetheless."

That became our constant joke. Till this day, when I regale the incident in my mind, I would throw my head back and laugh aloud.

Ahh, the good times.


Incident No.3: Squint-Eyed Embarassment

(Note: This particular incident is not to mock, or disrespect.)

One of my church members had a serious bout of cross-eye.

It was bad, bad as in when she is actually talking to you, her peepers would have this faraway look to the east (Not exactly east, it was very compass-like. You wouldn't know which way she was looking.)

She was standing in front of me and chatting away, dishing anecdotes.

Since she did not refer to me by name, I naturally assumed she was talking to someone else (I have my manners. I would never intrude uninvited into a conversation.).

Mistake on my part? I never bothered to look over my shoulder.

Melissa: *stammers* Uhhhh, yup. Sure is. Would you mind repeating it again? My mind (my eyes, actually) was somewhere else.


I think she was a little hurt that I wasn't paying attention.

Who's to blame? It is not my fault that she didn't look me in the eye and referred to me by name. Nor is it her fault that her eyes tend to stray east-ward.

Cross-eyed people make my life a tad bit more challenging, I must say.


Incident No.4: Flying Shoe

This happened in an outing with my youth group, during a trip to the bowling alley.

I was all pumped up for it, as I haven't been bowling for years.

Upon reaching the counter, I realised my shoe size was no longer available. Itching to bowl, I laced up a pair of shoes, ignoring the difference of one shoe size.

I chose the ball I wanted and was on my way to show off my bowling chops.

I took a couple of steps back, swung my hand back and jogged lightly to the lane.

Along with the bowling ball - my shoe flew, did a little somersault in the air and landed right into the middle of the lane.

My entire youth group roared with laughter; the guy-in-charge was having a hard time trying to keep a straight face as he retrieved my shoe for me.

Thing is, my shoe-flying incident didn't only happen once. It happened twice.

Needless to say, I stayed away from the particular bowling alley for almost a year.


Incident No.5: Stuck!

Gals love all things beautiful.

As much as I hate to admit it, most of the time I prefer gorgeous but less practical heels over proper, not toe-pinching and stable footwear.

The reason? Vanity's sake. Because, not only does it add miles to my height, it makes my feet look dainty.

I was to sing with my friends for my church's anniversary. My choice of shoes? My sexy black lace heels.

I walked up to the platform, reached out for my mike when I realised one of my stiletto heel was caught in the gaps.

Desperate to tug it out, I maintained my calmness and tried to inconspicuously wiggle my feet to free the trapped heel. It didn't work.

The intro to the song was played, I had no choice but to begin singing, with half of my body lower than the other.

After the deed was done, my friend had to bend down, allowing me to stabilise myself with one hand on his shoulder while he emancipated my heel.

This happened in front of a 300-400 person crowd.

T'was very, very embarassing.

My only consolation was that I did not topple over while trying to worm my foot out.

That would have been epic embarassment.