I am doing much better now, thankyouverymuch. =)

So, I was having an IM conversation with a friend the other day, and the issue of trust was brought up. You know, building reliance on someone else other than yourself, to be able to open up to that person, pour out your deepest desires, fears and failures, all the difficult stuff...

Unbeknownst to many, I had battled trust issues for the longest time.

I found it so difficult, often referring to it as an intricate and arduous process to share my innermost feelings and views with someone, without worrying about them judging me behind my back. Which is also another reason as to why I claimed the March 16th post as one of the hardest posts to write. It truly took a lot of me, a whole lot of giving and trusting, to put all that is inside of me into writing and not bother, flinch or give an inkling of thought to other's judgement.

But, after the deed was done, I found it to be the most therapeutic way to express myself.

For many years, I couldn't bring myself to trust anyone and be left to pick up the pieces, fend for myself when things goes awry. I decided to rationalise things out. I sealed my heart in a conclave, encased a mighty fortress to protect it, to not let anyone near it.

*cue 'All By Myself' by Celine Dion*

One day, I looked around me and the revelation hit me. What a terrible, lousy, low way to live life!

I stopped short at believing in the fundamental goodness of humans because there are some morons who have chosen to corrupt it. I learnt to slowly unpeel the layers, unlock the private chambers of my heart and finally, tear down the surrounding fortress. I was not preserving myself from being hurt, I was just keeping myself locked up from the rest of the world.

Now, I know the pain you've gone through, Dear Readers. I know.

There is no contending or rivalry on who gets hurt the most, or yours-is-not-as-painful-as-mine. At some point, we've all been hurt. I have too, but what makes me different in this scenario is I choose to not let it deter me.

I will tell you what I told my friend.

True enough, the wound is still bleeding. The pain is real, the disappointment is inevitable, but by blocking people out, it is like having a band-aid on the wound. We strap it on, slap on a cheerful exterior for the rest of the world to see, but we are only concealing and masking up the bleeding wound. Recovery has not yet taken place.

I suggest to you to do this: Grab ahold of someone and share. Just share. It'll be difficult (I am not gonna lie and say it will be easy), just like when you peel off that band-aid. The surrounding skin will have a stinging feeling, but with the band-aid off, the recovery process can actually begin.

You allow the wound to breathe and for fresh air to come into contact with it, and pretty soon, the bleeding stops.

Give it a couple of weeks, healing might have actually taken place.

Although the scar remains, it no longer restricts your movement. The scars bear reminder of a growing up experience, a hurdle which has to be overcome to complete the race of life.

I trust and believe in all of you,

M.