I am silent and quiet, waiting and seeking. It is not emptiness that I am feeling, but more of silence. The irony of it all is that the silence is deafening.

I know with my whole being that I am in the right place, I know with patient hope that all the pieces will come to fit perfectly one day. I know that He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Yet, my soul is restless. I pine and long.

Part of me just wants to give it all up and run away, hide under the covers or be heaped under the weight of something else. Anything, but this.

However, another part of me knows that He is there. It doesn’t feel like a mighty rushing wind or consuming fire. It’s a gentle, reassuring, barely there presence.

Something in my soul tells me that God is speaking to me. He is sealing up the past and He is weaving the present to make way for the future.

Every inch of my being is crying out for answers, asking for clear directions and seeking for more of Him; to try and gain understanding, to hold onto something known and seen.

He chooses to stay silent, He chooses to let me freefall into the unknown.

I know that what He has in store for me is worth waiting for, worth hoping for, worth staying in light for and worth toughing it out for.

I opened up my Bible after having a good cry, and found Him speaking to the very depths of my heart.

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone, my hope comes from Him
He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken
My salvation and my honour depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge
Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.”

(Psalm 62:5-8)

I then realised this: I might feel lonely, but I am certainly not alone.