I once was asked on why I liked writing, or devoted a substantial amount of my time to doing it.

My answer remains the same every single time I am asked – I have a love for words.

To many, books are engaging when the plot is well-formed and unexpected, the storyline being out of the ordinary. (Most gals prefer their books to have happy endings. We don’t always admit it, but it is the truth.)

I, however, concentrate on the language and words used.

For me, the book doesn’t serve its’ purpose if the words used failed to capture my imagination or captivate me with beautiful language, so much so that I am reduced to tears.

Whether or not we like it, whether or not we choose to admit it, words DO have an impact on our lives.

I have found (in my unmentioned observation that has been taking place for months) that many do not place, or better yet, do not understand the weight of words.

Words have a massive impact on lives.

CS Lewis says this, "Words and hearts should be handled with care, for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest things to repair."

It is indubitably true, beyond a shadow of doubt.

This is why, when I say something, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. It may be pleasing to your ears (consider yourself fortunate then) or otherwise.

Which brings me to this – I’ve been told by several people that fighting between partners in a relationship is good.

It is an indication that the relationship is progressing, where trust and true colours are being established.

I beg to differ.

I believe that a relationship with limited fighting is possible and achievable, where all the trashing about, unnecessary fights and hurting words can be kept minimal, almost nonexistent.

I believe in it, because I’ve seen it and I’ve been there.

How?

1. Don’t let the sun go down on anger.
This is Biblical. The truth of this is astounding.

Whatever the issue or differences, the best solution is to resolve it in that very same day.

Don’t sleep on it (as advised by some), but come to an agreement where both parties come out of the discussion smiling, that very same day. That goes without saying, even if it means staying up till 3am.


2. Don’t use 10 words when 5 will suffice.

Bottom line is, do not provoke. Only say what needs to be said.

The additional and excess words that you and I know will not bring any nourishment to your relationship, hold (or bite) your tongue.


3. Realise that fighting only induces heartache and damage.
No, it is not about winning and proving the other person wrong.

In the heat of the moment, words darting across opposite sides of the room are often not meant from the heart.

Sadly, once it escapes your mouth, it is almost impossible to take it back.

Poet Anne Sexton says this, “Words and eggs must be handled with care. Once broken, they are impossible things to repair.”

The pain from verbal stabbing is real; the healing process is intricate and arduous.

Ergo, bear this in mind that constant fighting increases the heartache and speeds up the aggression level.


4. Most importantly, do it out of love.
If you need to point out a mistake, do it out of love. Never accuse. Do not get stirred up by resentment or anger, in which the end result would be a verbal match (yet again).

Do not tear each other apart with hurling mean words, taking verbal stabs at one another, for the purpose of “I told you so” or to prove the “I am right” point. It is immature and childish.


Personally, I find constant fighting exhausting and tiring. I do not see the purpose to it.

If you truly love a person, it means putting that person above your own selfish desires and motives.

It also means not putting expectations on only ONE person; for it is “a coming together of two distinctively separate individuals.” (I touched a little on this here.)

With that always in mind (I know that it is easier said than done, but I believe that it is not impossible), I sincerely know and believe that words would then serve its’ true purpose: To be an expression of the heart, enriching lives and touching hearts.